- DAVID BLAINE AIN'T SO TOUGH

So David Blaine's been getting lazy recently. I heard he waded in a kiddie pool for a few hours and called it some world record. Rumor has it his next stunt will be cleaning the entire floor of a movie theater with one q-tip. I will be impressed if he can do that (especially if it's a theater where I just saw a movie with either Hugh Grant or Julia Roberts because vomit will be all over the ground).

Where were the camera crews when I sat on my couch for 8 days straight eating egg rolls at a steady pace back in 02? I mean seriously I must have set some kind of record there.

There's something upsetting about sitting at home in my boxers and stained t-shirt eating a banana split sundae while watching a man who has spent the past week living in water and then attempted to break the record for holding one's breath at the conclusion of that week. He actually failed by like a minute but he was also tied up in chains and stuff (in typical showboat fashion). So did I get pleasure from seeing him not reach his mark? Not really. I still found it all entertaining and in a way inspiring.

So I spent the next 15 minutes standing in front of the bathroom mirror trying to "will" a patch of slightly melted caramel off my chin.. I'm not sure what happened but I think I passed out. I woke up on the floor and Mingus was licking my face.

But you know what.. the caramel was GONE.

magic!


Pictured below is that time (as all you die hard fans remember) I spent 3 weeks in a box suspended above some famous place in some popular city. Remember that? I do!

I didn't eat anything the entire time. You can see how the teased me...oh did they tease me those bastards! Waving candy bars in my face and calling me on my cell phone saying, "Hey Mr. Krieger did you order that large pepperoni pizza and chocolate milkshake cause it's ready for you!"

I made it though. The only thing I ate those three weeks was lint off my blanket, and the roof of my mouth.