- CRAZY WHITE WOMEN:

I had lunch today at 10 Pell street, a Chinese restaurant recommended by a coworker. The food was fair.

While I was eating, these two late 40s Yentas came strolling in and sat at the table directly behind me. They were probably taking a day trip from Long Island to see the sights and buy some stupid ass t-shirts. So this one woman starts to order and she says, "So what is the Taiii-chiieen chicken?" I've had the dish a few times and I know how its prepared. Usually it's made with celery and peppers (red and green) and a spicy sauce. Anyway here is how that convo went. Try to magine the waitress just standing there doing her best to put up with this woman:

waitress: It is chicken with celery.
woman: Is it with white meat?
waitress: Ok I make it for you with white meat.
woman: Good, but is it spicy?
waitress: yes tai-chien chicken is spicy.
woman: No No I don't want spicy.
waitress: Ok no spicy
woman: So you said it comes with vegetables?
waitress: Yes it comes with celery
woman: No vegetables
waitress: Ok no vegetables. what kind of soup do you want? (lunch specials usually come with a soup, wanton or egg drop)
woman: No soup
waitress: So you want tai-chien chicken with no spicy, no vegetables, all white meat, and no soup.
woman: yes

My god I wanted to dump my complimentary pot of green tea on her lap. I mean I can understand if you can't eat spicy things, but I don't know what this woman ended up ordering. She basically ordered chicken sauted in nothing. Another thing I hate about white people is how they can never use chopsticks at Asian restaurants. Sometimes Chinese restaurants actually give you a fork and you have to ask for chopsticks, which is almost as bad.... don't change your culture to appease the white man. We are the ones eating at your establishment and assuming you aren't serving pancakes, waffles, or cheeseburgers, I expect to use chopsticks.

Someday I aspire to be a master Wu-Tang warlord who brings his own chopsticks in a fancy case and when I open them to eat, everyone in the restaurants bows their head in appreciation.