- NO CHECK PLEASE:

Had dinner last night with a friend down in the Lower East Side. It was a small casual hamburger joint run by two nice but somewhat snooty French guys. After ordering at the counter I had reached for my wallet to pay but the guy said, "Sit down first." He was busy cooking and taking other orders so I assumed it was just easier for him if we paid after eating.

First of all it took about 30 minutes for our order to be finished which was amazing because it really wasn't that crowded. I had remarked that they better be killing that cow freshly and grinding the meat downstairs in order for it to take this long. When he did bring us the food, he had forgotten the ketchup and napkins. I asked for those items and also asked for water. About 5 minutes later I walked up to the counter and before I opened my mouth he said, "Yeah yeah I'm bringing it," but never did. Finally I caught his eye a few minutes later and gave him the, "Dude lets go!" facial expression.

After finishing the meal, we walked up to the counter and I had noticed a basket with small zip lock bags in it, by the register. Inside each small baggie was one single Marlboro light cigarette, two toothpicks, and two cellophane wrapped after-dinner mints. I leaned over looking down at them and said to the guy, "What the hell are those?" to which he said "they are cigarettes for customers," as if it was no big deal and all restaurants did this. I laughed and was like, "COOL can we have one?" still kinda dumbfounded. He said sure and gave us both a bag as we walked out.

We were walking halfway down the street while removing the cigarettes from the baggies and lighting up when we both stopped, looked at each other and said, "Oh shit! did you pay?"

Neither one of us had paid. I was planning to pay but I honestly had forgotten until we were already outside walking. The cigarettes had totally distracted me but maybe there was the subconscious pissed off part of my brain which was also responsible.

Without breaking stride I said "GO GO GO" like it was some big military drill. We turned the corner and started walking briskly, obviously with me in fear of the proprietor running up behind us screaming and wielding a greasy metal spatula.

But none of that happened. We got away clean and easy.

Plundered bounty included:

one Mexican burger
one falafelafa (that's their name for it)
one order french fries
two diet cokes (but the cool ones in the small glass bottles)