- NEW POPE YIPPPPEEEEEE

Man I'm so excited about this. I heard this guy is great. An ultra conservative anti-abortion, anti-treating women like human beings, anti-divorce, anti-gay. And the whole molesting of small boys, well let's just not talk about that ok? It's not a big issue now is it? Go on wit ya badself Catholic church...Keep making this world a better place.

You know me and my buddies have "Conclave" every few months. If you watch from outside you see different colored smoke coming from my apartment window as well. But there's one difference. When our elected official comes out he can get all the cheering and applause from fans on the street, but he still must fulfill his duty of running to the corner bodega for some burritos, salsa, and chips.

Oh Pope please please tell me how to live a perfect life and adhere strictly to the doctrine that some drunk guys probably wrote as a joke a few thousand years ago. I can imagine the dudes who wrote the bible sitting around saying, "Man this is some dynamite shit, but you think anyone is ever gunna really read this?"

If it wasn't for science you morons who buy into this shit would still be worshipping the sun god and water god everyday. Remember that.

Yeah Yeah send me to hell, just pack up some Tofutti Cuties for me. Man those things are like licking monkeys. Yeah I used that line again.

I actually just found a free coupon while searching for the proper spelling of Tofutti. See, by reading my website you don't only get a dose of blasphemous rantings but you also get free treats.