Tuesday, March 15

- BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT II

- An update to my previous post with the same title. Again I present the question, what is "The Doubt" anyway? I think that is the only time you hear the word doubt presented with a THE in front of it. Si?

So I have to tell you about some stuff I've seen over the past few weeks and I decided to present these little snippets of life in this little segment called, "Benefit of the doubt!"

1) A man this morning on Broadway coming around the back of a van seemingly zipping up his pants up as I was walking to work. It sounded like he mumbled "I'm sorry" to the few people who were walking by at that moment. He was wearing a Mets hat. I don't know if that was his van and he had just parked and was getting out and finishing dressing since it was early in the morning, or more likely he had just pissed all over the tires of that van and was apologizing to the few people walking by at that moment in case the van was one of ours. He doesn't get the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT! (There is an imaginary sound effect to accompany that finishing line, like a jail cell door slamming or a loud buzzer. You can imagine something in your own mind. Just be glad you don't hear the same noises in your head as I do.)

2) Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm How about a 29 year old man standing at the end of his bed folding bath towels and laying them on his bed and then taking a measuring tape and trying to figure out exactly which size towel rack he should purchase. Oh should I mention that it's almost 4am on a Saturday night that he's doing this? It's a tough decision because one towel rack is longer overall but the depth of the top shelf doesn't go out far enough to provide adequate space for stacking towels. Of course this is the cheaper model but the more expensive model is well 80 bucks, which although lovely seems a bit much to blow on a fucking towel rack dude.

Now maybe it's because his girlfriend left him alone for the night or maybe just possibly-perhaps because he has completely lost his mind? Does he get the benefit of the doubt? I have to agree with you here and say nope.

3) A man walking onto the subway yesterday who smacked his head square against the top of the car. He must have been like 6'5 or so. I was thinking to myself ouch that has to hurt but really, doesn't he know how tall he is and how tall the subway car is? It's not like the height of the subway cars vary, they are all pretty standard.

The only benefit of the doubt he might get is if he was a tourist and had never experienced the city before. If that was the case then yes he would get the benefit of the doubt. But I am thinking no, he gets the GONG!!! GONG! And shouldn't be such a tall putz.

4)A fortune cookie wrapped up in cellophane that says, "Support the 84 Olympics," Was this a typo or was this a fortune cookie more than 20 years old? I can't believe that it's already 2005. Felt like 2003 just a few months ago.



On another note I think someone should make a teapot with a built in electronic timer that buzzes. When I brew my own tea I often forget about it and if it sits more than a 5-10 minutes or so it becomes bitter and I have to start all over.

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