- STALE FIG NEWTONS

After a long day of work some people like to go home and enjoy a nice drink. I don't drink regularly during the week, so occasionally I will stop at the bodega and pick up something like a small box of fig newtons.

Last week I had stopped at the corner store on East 3rd street and Second Ave. I don't particularly like this bodega but it's across the street from my girlfriends apartment and therefore easily accessible.

In a previous encounter with their surly staff, I had walked in there once late on a Saturday night after drinking to buy a pack of smokes and a candy bar. The schizty individual behind the counter tried screwing me on the change thinking I was too drunk to notice. I said "Hey where's my five bucks you bastard?!" (didn't use the word bastard but I should have) and he pretended like it was an accident and gave me the change..

I figure they try pulling that one as often as possible on the weekends when the drunk kids are out and about.

It's just wrong!

But I did go in there again like I'm telling you for my fig newtons last week even after swearing to ban them from my money ever again. After purchasing my single boxed sleeve of Newtons I went to my girlfriends place and sat down on the couch excited to eat these chewy-fig-filled-treats.

When I opened them up, I found the cookies practically glued together and not edible. I was so fucking pissed I started yelling and said I was going down there. My girlfriend said, "Just shut up and eat them and don't worry about the $1.79" But of course it wasn't about the money, it was about these shitpushers ripping people off. Those Newtons were almost a year expired.

Are you serious, you ask...a YEAR??

YES I AM!

Even though the last thing I wanted to do was leave that apartment, I just had to. It was raining out too, what a pisser.

As I walked down the street I had another idea. My Department of Health ID was still in my pocket from work so I decided to make use of it. Walking into the store I slammed the fig netwons on the counter and raised my voice. "Do you realize that these cookies are almost a year past their expiration date? They were disgusting and I want my money back too. And not just that but I want to stand here right now while you take every single god damn box of those cookies off the shelf."

He kinda looked at me surprised and before he had a chance to react, I said,

"I work for the health department and I'm not threatening you but just letting you know that if someone gets sick from something that you're selling because it's expired, you're going to have a lot of trouble on your hands."

I put my badge down on the counter in front of him. Everyone in the store just stood there silent like it was some kind of drug bust. I made sure not to overstep my boundary and make it seem like I had any authority, I was just stating that I work for the Dept of Health, which is true. And stating the fact that when people get sick from food at a specific store or restaurant, they can get shut down. Also true.

Didn't say I would be the one doing it.

hee hee

The guy behind the counter was pretty freaked out and called out a stock boy who pulled every package of netwons off the shelf. He then apologized profusely and refunded my money.

I went across the street and purchased a small single size serving but fresh pack of Newtons. They were figalicious.