Friday, February 4

- APARTMENT TO SHARE

Last week I posted a phoney ad on craigslist. It actually made the "Best of Craigslist" so I assume they have a good sense of humor and didn't just delete it.

Check out the ad HERE

Maybe I have too much time on my hands but to those that pose that hackneyed expression towards me I rebut it with, "What the fuck do you do with your free time?" Most of us do have some free time and it's probably not spent on something as satisfying as this was for me. Sure I do waste a lot of my time and the taxpayers time (I work for the city) but I do believe this was worth the effort.

Now for the responses. Let me say that I did indeed spend a good deal of time last week reading responses and writing people back. More people wrote me than anticipated. I've chose a few of the more interesting/humorous conversations I had. I will be changing names to protect the innocent, and in some cases the guilty. The international people were probably the most fun. And I was interested in the most common answer to "favorite kitchen appliance/utensil" which was "The blender."

1)

Please, help wanted! I need a room urgent..Please. International female student

name: Silvia

age: 24

sexual identification: straight

age: 24

favorite kitchen utensil/appliance: Italian

2 good qualities about yourself: nice

1 bad quality about yourself: can be late


I wrote her back:

Silvia,

I see that you are interested in the apartment.

A few things first.

I asked for 2 good qualities about yourself. You had written, "nice."

Although "Nice" is a great quality and something we all look for in a roommate, lover, pet, teacher, therapist, uncle, bed frame, postal employee, rock garden, etc. etc., it only qualifies as ONE quality. I need one more.

Also under "favorite kitchen utensil/appliance" you wrote, "Italian." I am confused by this answer. Are you saying that you use Italian people like utensils? I mean on occasion I have used a human being as a wheelbarrow but that was in camp, and for fun. At least I think I was in camp when I did that. I forget now, I'm sleepy.

Write back and tell me your favorite episode of mamma's Family

2)

You sound awesome!


name: Colleen

age: 26

sexual identification: straight

age: 26 again

favorite kitchen utensil/appliance: coffee maker

2 good qualities about yourself: light hearted funny

1 bad quality about yourself: sarcastic

Thank you.

I wrote her back:

Colleen,

I'm thrilled you wrote me about the apartment. Although I do not object to living with a female roommate my mother can be a bit weird about it. She may want to do a brief 10-15 minute interview. Possibly I can get her to do it over the phone but she usually likes to do them at a Deli, most likely Katz's delicatessen on Houston street. Are you familiar with that deli?

If you do meet her there she will pay for your meal but will insist that you finish at least half of your sandwich and 3 pickles. I don't know why she does that but she takes offense otherwise. Don't mention I tipped you off about the 3 pickle thing though because it will definitely win you points with her.

She wrote back:


I hesitate to believe all this is true, however, intrigued none the less. Sure, I'd love to meet you and your mum at Katz anytime.

3) Woman from Germany wrote me back:


that sounds a bit weird!

I just moved from Germany for a music project. I'm staying with a friend right now in Brooklyn.

name: Helga
age: 25
sex: female (not a girlie)
favorite kitchen utensil: Italian
2good qualities: easy..Funny
bad qualities: none

so if you are still looking for someone, let me know where I can reach you!

She sent me a website with pictures of her singing. I wrote her back this:

Helga, you are quite an attractive German woman. Du Bist Wundershun.

me spreckah ze duestch just un poco though.

I will get back to you about the apartment. It looks like I will be
renting it out to a duck farmer though. I get free duck every fourth
Thursday.


4)


Hello

I think I could live with you.. I am very laid back and open minded, pretty simple to live with. I work a lot and I am very sporty. Please see information below and let me know if this could work with you.

name: Challia

age: 32

sexual identification: Female

favorite kitchen utensil/appliance: mmh.. Maybe the tea pot

2 good qualities about yourself: laid back, friendly personality and flexible

1 bad quality about yourself: I can get really upset when somebody disrespect
me

Thank you.
Looking forward to hear from you. (gave me her phone number here)

My response to her:

Challia,

I too get upset when someone disrespects me. I like your qualities and think your teapot will make a good edition to my apartment.

I don't however think I can pronounce your name. Would it be ok if I changed your name to Wilda?

Get back to me,

Thurber


5)

name: Linda

age: 27

sexual identification: straight

favorite kitchen utensil/appliance: cork screw

2 good qualities about yourself: im considerate and laid back

1 bad quality about yourself: im the occasion scatter brain

thanks for you time...


My response:


Would it be ok with you if I stored a few bags of potatoes in your room and a broken Frisbee? I'm all out of space in my room.

Quick what was your answer to that? I'm testing you out in case we become roommates.

Look forward to your response,

Thurber

7 Comments:

At 8:59 AM, Blogger Boozie said...

I, too, prefer Italian as my favorite kitchen appliance.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Carolyn said...

I use Italians in my kitchen to test the spaghetti. If they stick to the ceiling, then I know the pasta is done. I have to go scrape them off the ceiling now as I'm running out of room...

 
At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel bad for the poor french kids looking for apartments that are cheap. They will see the headline on craigslist thinking that they have found their dream apartment. They want it so bad that they would meet your mom and be subjected to your outrages requests. Then they all find out it is a hoax and have to start looking in Brooklyn and queens for that price. You are giving the french false hope.

-Lizzi

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger diesellover said...

I just feel bad for the french. And can someone tell me where I can buy a good Italian mine burnt out,and I use her in the garden now.

 
At 4:11 PM, Blogger Jen14221 said...

hee hee hee

 
At 1:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your fake ad made the Best Of list. Congrats. I enjoyed it almost as much as I enjoy Italians in the kitchen.

 
At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe I have too much time on my hands but to those that pose that hackneyed expression towards me I rebut it with, "What the fuck do you do with your free time?"

How about volunteering, instead of posting fake CL ads so that your ad can make the best of CL ads, and taking advantage of people who are in need of real housing. I don't think the CL was created so that you can use it for your personal amusement. How about getting a hobby or get out of the city once in a while?

 

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