Monday, November 28

- BEFORE I HAD A GIRLFRIEND

Wrote this a few months ago never posted it. Since I've been so lazy on my blog I guess something is better than nothing right? RIGHT?!

Things not to say on a date:
"I'm wearing my lucky corrective shoes."

Things you don't want to hear your date say:
"I like my men like my coffee, strong, black, and with a nutty aftertaste."

Walking into the Laundromat tonight I noticed a young woman come in right after me. As I was paying for my laundry, she handed her ticket to the man at the counter. He walked back to get her drycleaning so I had a few seconds to think of something droll to say, some type of conversation starter. I leaned towards her and whispered, "So do you tip when you pick up?"

"No, I never have," she quietly shuffled her words back to me, looking down at her feet. As I was about to continue I noticed the proprietor had already gotten back to the front desk and was standing there with her laundry.

I wasn't sure if he heard us but there is a good chance since the store is pretty small. Without even acknowledging I was speaking to her, I grabbed my cloths and left without saying another word to anyone. And no I didn't leave a tip of course because I'm a cheap bastard. I don't think the girl was planning on it either as I glanced back from the door to see her stuffing all of her change into her purse.

Since I was the first outside I needed to slow my pace so I pretended to have trouble adjusting my laundry bag into a comfortable position to walk home with, but realized this would make me look silly and I couldn't keep it up for too long. I instead grabbed my cell phone, opened it, and started speaking into it.

Me: "Oh hey what are you doing?"
(Me imagining what my friend would be saying back): "Nothing much just got home from work and wanted to see what you were up to?"
Me: "Yea nothing much just picked up my laundry and I'm on the way home."

I got tired of this conversation so I began literally mouthing words but not actually making audible noises since no one else was around to hear me. I realize it didn't matter, this was just to provide visual proof that I have friends to call me and am not a complete loser.

Then I started talking out loud again into the phone.

Me: "Yeah I'm just talking to myself waiting for this girl to come out of the Laundromat so I can take up the tipping conversation with her again. But she's taking awhile to actually leave the store and I feel like an idiot. I should hang up now."

She walked outside and in an obvious effort, crossed the street to the other side when she saw me and walked away.

5 Comments:

At 4:40 PM, Blogger eefers said...

Good conversation starter in a place like that. If a guy asked me that, whether I was attracted to him or not, I'd continue the conversation. That topic really interests me. We're already paying extra for them to do our laundry, so... to tip or not to tip? I'd like to think if it wouldn't mean I couldn't afford my coffee, that I'd tip.

 
At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How did you pick up your girlfriend? Did you use a gem like that one? I kid, that's a better line than "come here often?"

 
At 1:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

um actually...

sweating in the early september heat, clutching a brown paper bag stained dark with grease, sliding his glasses repeatedly up a moist, sloping nose, my daniel said:

"i've got bacon in there"

and the rest is history...except now he eats less bacon.

~daniel's girlfriend

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger Daniel said...

ACTUALLY I think it was a white plastic bag but the truth is I had bought just a few slices of bacon from a deli that he had to cook (because I didn't want to buy an entire package of it and cook it myself) so indeed inside that plastic bag was a grease ridden small brown paper bag.

I was sweating not necessarily because of the heat but because when I saw that woman my heart fluttered like a thousand drunk bumblebees.

And the way I repeat one of my first lines to her was, "I've got bacon in my bag." And I said it with a shameful innocence.

indeed the rest is history.

 
At 10:20 AM, Anonymous Jess said...

greasy bags are hot.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home