- ALWAYS WITH THE BATHROOM HUMOR:
It seems that a good deal of my writing has focused on things that happen to me in the bathroom at work. The reason why, I'm not sure except to say that, "The Bathroom" is conducive to humorous/interesting situations.
Today was an example of this. Some people may not think what happened is strange, but I do.
I was washing my hands at the sink when a man who had just finished using the pee pee machine walked up to the other sink next to me and began to wash his hands as well. He looked to be a bit on the strange side but I really didn't think anything of it.
First off, the sinks in my bathroom are really annoying. They have those faucets that don't stay on after you turn them.
Anyone out there use hotmail? You ever see that advertisement for American Singles? It always has the same girl standing there in the ad. Can't that girl get a freaking date? I mean she's pretty damn hot.
So back to the sinks. They don't stay on so you have to hold the knob and basically clap one hand together to make it wash itself. I find this all quite distressing as you can imagine but due to my inquisitive and curious nature, I discovered a way to bypass this annoying situation through trial and error. If one slowly turns the "cold" faucet on the sink closest to the wall (I tell you which sink specifically in case you're ever in my building) and use a soft touch you can make it stick in place. This eliminates the need to use paper towels to hold the faucet in place since now I really only have to touch it once before I begin washing.
One time (yes I realize I deviated from the original part of the story) my boss was walking over to the sink to wash his hands and as I was almost finished I jumped back from my side and said in a droll voice, "would you like me to leave this on for you?" presenting him with a fully functioning hands free faucet, magically expelling water with no hands, no wand, and no rubber band (I tried that once and it didn't work)
But he just goes, "No thanks, I'm good." Wasn't impressed at all, not even a blink. What do I have to do to get noticed around here?
So back to this guy washing his hands next to me. Using soap and really scrubbing like a person should, he grabs some paper towels and dries them. After giving himself a once over in the mirror, probably checking for an AWOL piece of broccoli between the teeth leftover from lunch he looks ready to walk out.
I'm standing there thinking, "Yeah this guy is all right." I mean I guess it's a little disappointing he didn't notice my unattended still flowing faucet, but I'm starting to realize no one else is impressed by my Ben Franklin-esque discovery.
Just as he is about to leave, right when I have accepted this man as an acceptable human being, he makes me lose my faith in humanity.
Lunging forward in one quick violent motion he puts his entire head down into the sink and wraps the faucet around his mouth, sucking it dry while dripping water all over his face like a wild animal. His entire head was rubbing inside the sink as I sat there literally biting my lip in an attempt to not lose it and break out in hysterical laughter.
I just think that public bathroom sinks are not the most hygenic of things to touch your face and mouth against. Maybe I'm alone in thinking this was disgusting, but come on man, $1.25 buys you a bottle of Poland spring.