Tuesday, August 10

- CONJOINED TWINS

So if you're like me you've been hearing a lot about these conjoined twins lately. It seems there's always a pair on the news just begging some fancy pants doctor in the states to separate them. Well it's probably more like their parents or a representing diplomat from their country begging, but you know what I mean.

These conjoined twins never seem to come from Kansas or Arkansas, places I would naturally assume these Freaks of Nature to come from. I'm sorry. "Freaks of Nature" isn't being compassionate. I think they prefer "Natures greatest Oddities." Wow what a jerk I am. They always come from a small South American or a lesser know Asian country it seems.

To see some interesting drawings and add to your knowledge base the defining qualities of conjoined twins click here. Some of those positions just don't seem comfortable to have another person sitting right next to you.

Remember the good old days when these twins were paraded around in traveling shows and gazed upon by slack jawed yokels for 50 cents a gander? Well no more. One thing I find so fascinating is how excited the doctors in the United States get when we offer up our fine advanced medical services to try to pry a pair of these suckers apart. They are always on t.v. almost jumping up and down like this is the fucking Olympics of surgery. I guess if you're used to operating the same old basic appendectomy or coronary bypass, getting your shot at this is like hitting the surigical jackpot.

As I was writing this my girlfriend asked, "If you had a conjoined twin where would you want him on your body?" I said, "Definately my ass to his face."

A friend I was on instant messanger also said, "I like the parasitic one the best. How sweet would that be having an arm with a middle finger extended growing off the back of your neck?"


I'm going straight to hell but at least it's a scenic ride.

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