Friday, February 24

- THREE THINGS TO LISTEN TO WHICH WON'T CHANGE YOUR LIFE WHATSOEVER

1) I called up the company who makes the candy, Sour Patch today because I bought a bag and I swear to you there was no sour taste to be had. I wasn't rude or anything, just letting them know. The woman I spoke with took my call quite seriously and informed me that sometimes "Batches of the Sour Patches sometimes have problems." I figured better this problem then a rat feces issue. She didn't think that was amusing.

I was informed by the good people at Cadbury Schweppes TM (makers of Sour Patch) that I would be sent a few bags of replacement patches. Joy.

I'm off the smokes. Haven't had a cigarette in 7 days which explains my new found fascination with gum/mentos/sucking candy. Mentos are good. All of these things get nauseating after awhile. I'm not like totally hooked or anything but I do like to go through a few pieces of gum or tic tacs a day, particularly when walking outside.

2) I did my taxes today and got about $1,100 back which is pretty sweet. Last year the woman who did them had breath so horribly fetid that I had to sit pretty far away from her. It was kinda painful. I remember wishing that humans had their noses on the back of their heads instead of the front so I could talk to her and see her..But not smell her. Weird thing is, I was kinda pissed that she wasn't there this year.

This afternoon a heavy set middle age woman prepared them for me. She boasted about how fast she does them. Doesn't "dilly dally," she said. I was thinking yeah that sounds great and all but you aren't cooking a hamburger for me you're preparing my taxes. Speedy service is nice from the coffee cart guy but as for my taxes I don't need a rush job. She smelled of olive oil. I wanted to rub focaccia on her face but only had a slice of brioche in my pants.


3) I have one long strange eyebrow hair which has been a recurring issue for me. It hibernates within the pack of regular length eyebrow blades but occasionally feels the need to break free from the restraints of the masses and make his presence felt. It is longer and slightly lighter in color. I think the follicle is bad. Does that sound right? I usually tweeze him out of there and then nibble it down like a thin breadstick. I don't really like eating eyebrow hair but throwing it in the trash seems such a waste of an oddity like this. I didn't tweeze it this time because I wanted to take a picture in the bathroom. I went in there in preparation to do a closeup but then was sidetracked because I felt like I was looking good in the mirror, and did a small series of self portraits. I'll have to go back and get a shot of the hair and post it here, but for now u can just look at the normal me (the lone hair has blended back in the crowd don't even try to search for him you can't find it!).

daniel

4 Comments:

At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doesn't eating it waste it as well? I mean, that puppy needs to be admired by the masses. I say either leave it attached and see if a freak show expresses interest, or tweeze it and take Warhol-esque pics of it.

 
At 9:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That comment was left to you by Doronit, in the event that that mattered. :)

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Bland said...

Congrats on the non-smoking! I will quit again soon. And I totally understand the craving for candy bit. I couldn't get enough of chocolate and gummi bears. BTW - i can burn a stop smoking hypnosis CD for you. It worked wonders on me...until I started smoking again.

 
At 1:36 PM, Anonymous aaron said...

dude.
they spelled nikon wrong.. ... and the letters are all fucked up.
have jam in argentina, i'm glad for ya

 

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