Tuesday, August 24


Grown deep within the sweltering jungles of Brazil there lies a curved piece of shining gold. Not just one piece but you see more as the branches are cleared away. There are thousands of them there. A dazzling display by the long proud trees.


Brought to the mainland in 1742 by the wife of a French cabinet maker who was on vacation with some friends, bananas have become an important part of society as a whole. It's more than the delicious taste and nutritional bounty that bananas supply, it's the long storied past that up till now has never been told.

Anna Bane, the wife of French cabinet maker, was returning to her homeland when the boat's captain took rollcall to make sure all passengers were accounted for. When the captain got to her name he pronounced it incorrectly and reading it backwards it sounded like Bahhh NAaana. Anna heard this and immediately a light went off. She would name this fruit after herself in some capacity. "I shall call it the BANANA!" she cried.

No one else on board had any idea what she was talking about since she had decided to keep the discovery of this new magical fruit a secret until telling her husband, the cabinet maker. But no one on board really cared anyway, I mean it was fucking 1742 right? People had a lot of other problems.

In 1996 a group of Spanish tourists discovered several untouched caves deep within the hills of the Malaysian seacoast. Within these caves were ancient etchings depicting terrible famines, droughts, monsters, and a large powerful creature shaped and colored like a banana. Apparently this specific Mayonnaisian tribe worshipped the banana like it was a god.

Other than that not much history is known about the banana other than the fact it gets along well with ice cream and gets mushy and rotten if not supervised properly.

Wow, Banana.


At 9:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I remember that story from fourth grade, Ms. Cracco's class.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger bryan said...

Well, since we are talking about my favorite fruit (I eat one every day for breakfast), I want to add this scientific fact (or perhaps just urban legend) to your story. You see, the banana cannot reproduce on its own. Therefore, the banana will become extinct. Soon, not only will people forget about the story of Anna Bane, but they will forget the banana as well. Very sad.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home