Friday, August 20


Sit down before you read this because it's almost too exciting to handle. Next month is the yearly Health and Safety training here at work and I have been delegated the tremendous responsibility of signing people up for this training. I told you it was exciting, you should have believed me.

I remember why I went to college now and remember why I worked my way up to Project Coordinator at the Psychiatric Institue at my last job. It was so I could then go work for the city and sign people up for a freaking Health and Safety training.


so after setting up dates/times with people for this training here at my Bureau, I have been sending out these confirmation letters:

Staff member,

You are currently scheduled to attend the Safety Training at the following time and room number:

Thursday 10/7/2004
11:00 - 12:30
Room 225

On the day of your scheduled training, please bring with you the following items:

* 12 popsicle sticks
* can opener
* 2 AA batteries (preferably used ones with very little energy left)
* oversized novelty sunglasses
* a deck of unmarked playing cards
* a small container of leftover vegetables (any kind is ok, I just love
leftovers for some reason!)

Thank you.


Another one had the same introudction but different items to bring:

* writing utensil
* pad of paper
* safety goggles
* 1 hairdryer (we will have some available but it would be better so you don't have to share)
* 15 paper clips
* 3 pieces of orange construction paper
* 1 empty washed out milk carton (preferably 1% if you drink that. Any other type of milk carton is fine. Except for soy milk.)

To update today, I just sent out a third version. I'm trying these out to see which sounds the most realistic. Also to update, no one has written me back yet and said "Ha Ha Daniel very funny!" so maybe they are taking it seriously?

* bicycle pump (if you don't have one, just bring in a small manual pencil sharpener).
* 1 back issue of Readers Digest
* 1 can of Diet Rite soda
* 1 pack of 88 Topps Baseball Trading cards (unopened of course)
* An aunt or uncle

To answer your question YES I really did send these out. But I admit I'm only sending them to people I'm more familiar with, who will realize I'm joking (hopefully).

But if someone showed up for this training with safety goggles and and empty milk carton I would probably fall on my ass laughing.


At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have included jumper cables and a Julio Iglesias mixed tape.


At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*hits TV*

You could've added, with much skillzfullness:
-Boot Knife
-Glass Eye
-Troll Doll


Your pal

At 6:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been gathering popsicle sticks and burlap--- we don't need it?


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