- BEFORE I HAD A GIRLFRIEND
Wrote this a few months ago never posted it. Since I've been so lazy on my blog I guess something is better than nothing right? RIGHT?!
Things not to say on a date:
"I'm wearing my lucky corrective shoes."
Things you don't want to hear your date say:
"I like my men like my coffee, strong, black, and with a nutty aftertaste."
Walking into the Laundromat tonight I noticed a young woman come in right after me. As I was paying for my laundry, she handed her ticket to the man at the counter. He walked back to get her drycleaning so I had a few seconds to think of something droll to say, some type of conversation starter. I leaned towards her and whispered, "So do you tip when you pick up?"
"No, I never have," she quietly shuffled her words back to me, looking down at her feet. As I was about to continue I noticed the proprietor had already gotten back to the front desk and was standing there with her laundry.
I wasn't sure if he heard us but there is a good chance since the store is pretty small. Without even acknowledging I was speaking to her, I grabbed my cloths and left without saying another word to anyone. And no I didn't leave a tip of course because I'm a cheap bastard. I don't think the girl was planning on it either as I glanced back from the door to see her stuffing all of her change into her purse.
Since I was the first outside I needed to slow my pace so I pretended to have trouble adjusting my laundry bag into a comfortable position to walk home with, but realized this would make me look silly and I couldn't keep it up for too long. I instead grabbed my cell phone, opened it, and started speaking into it.
Me: "Oh hey what are you doing?"
(Me imagining what my friend would be saying back): "Nothing much just got home from work and wanted to see what you were up to?"
Me: "Yea nothing much just picked up my laundry and I'm on the way home."
I got tired of this conversation so I began literally mouthing words but not actually making audible noises since no one else was around to hear me. I realize it didn't matter, this was just to provide visual proof that I have friends to call me and am not a complete loser.
Then I started talking out loud again into the phone.
Me: "Yeah I'm just talking to myself waiting for this girl to come out of the Laundromat so I can take up the tipping conversation with her again. But she's taking awhile to actually leave the store and I feel like an idiot. I should hang up now."
She walked outside and in an obvious effort, crossed the street to the other side when she saw me and walked away.