- THE GREAT BANJO BAND BREAKUP

So, as I often do I found a funny picture on the internet and here it is:



I was planning to find a picture of a banjo band and photoshop my head on one of the dudes. This was one of the best I found.

Obviously you notice that one of the guys has his eyes blanked out. At first glance I didn't think anything of it but then I started giving it some thought. I started giving it some thought because its 12:20AM on a Tuesday night and I don't feel tired and really don't have anything better to do. If you have an issue with that take it up my complaint dept.

So during the thinking process I thought to myself, what could possibly provoke the other band members to blank out Jimmy-Bob's eyes in this picture. I'm guessing he is no longer with the band. What happened? Where did the beautiful thing that was the THE RED SUSPENDERS STRING BAND AND LAUNDRY COMPANY, go wrong? And yes that is the name of that band I shit you not.

Were there creative differences?

Did Jimmy-Bob (I did make up that guy's name) have a direction in mind for the band that the other members refused to follow?

Did he show up to a jam session in yellow suspenders and piss everyone off? Maybe he had sex with Uncle Bo's ex wife (made that name up as well but let's consider him the guy in the lower left hand corner). I really don't know the answers to any of these questions but it does make me wonder.

What do you think happened?

OK, I gotta level with you. That top part was all a joke. The truth is that I am the newest member of that swinging sextet known as the THE RED SUSPENDERS STRING BAND
AND LAUNDRY COMPANY.

I got the job yesterday but until we played our first gig tonight I didn't want to jinx it.

Oh and I'm sleeping with that guy on the lower right, which is why my hand is so delicately touching his shoulder..Obviously.

- GAY MARRIAGE

I think if I was gay I would be a lesbian.

I'm completely supporitive of gay marriage but was just thinking about what a gay couple does with their last name when they get married? I'm figuring if one of the guys loses out and takes the other guys name, the winner really gets to say that he "Wears the pant in the family." But when you think about it they both wear the pants. Even in lesbian marriages both women probably wear pants quite often. Or jeans.

Since when did all of this become socially acceptable? I think its just wrong. The pants thing I mean, I wish people dressed like they did in the olden days, and referred to them as slacks. Sometimes watching old movies I'm fasicinated about the stuff like that in the background. For example, where did they get their food from? There was no King Kullen, no Shop Rite no Fine Fare no Piggley Wiggley no House of Food (I made that last one up).

And their attire, it must have been a pain in the ass to hand stitch all of those clothes. I guess that's why they didn't wash them often. GOD people must have stunk like melted brie cheese back then. What were the people in South East Asia doing in the days before the Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic (all the same company by the way) moved in and rounded up all the teenage girls to work for 20 cents an hour?

And how come no one asks me, "How was your night last night?" during the week but they always ask how my weekend was on Monday. I'm a loser dude so the weeknights are about as exciting for me as the weekends.

For example last night I......

- DO REAL MEN WEAR COLOGNE?

I was at a party this weekend and there was well, lets say an "interesting," guy there. I swear to god it smelled like he emptied half a bottle of Brut onto his clothes. He REEKED like cologne and it was sickening. I was beside myself thinking how in the world could someone do that and still expect to attract women?

He was wearing an open white shirt with a chain around his neck. I don't think he was originally expected at this party at least I hope he wasn't. Or maybe it was me who shouldn't have been there.

I commented to a friend who agreed there is just no reason for it. One of my guy friends said a little bit of cologne is ok and asked me, "Why don't you wear any?" I said, "Uh because I'm a guy."

I'm just not a big fan of it. Perfume on women is ok but just a little bit, at least in my opinion.

But the kicker was this. I was talking to two women and asked them if they liked cologne. They screamed, "YES WE LOVE IT!" But then some horrible song came on the rotation a minute later and they started screaming again about that as well. So I realized I was directing my comments towards the wrong audience.

Oh and the second super duper kicker came about an hour later. I saw those two same women leaving the party with the very same guy with the open shirt who was reeking of cologne. It was straight out of a movie. I was just standing there thinking you've GOT to Be kidding ME. But I shit you not.




mmmmmmmm hot

- PHOTOGRAPH AND DRAWING

Here is a photo I took of the brooklyn bridge with mi madre a few weekends ago. Below is a sketch she did of it, which she will do from time to time.

Thought it was kinda cool.






I actually just sold my second picture which was to a friend but still, I'm excited about it. The PHOTO is a picture of a bicycle I took in Amsterdam a few years ago. The version I gave him is slightly cropped on the left side and converted into black and white. After matting and framing it I am quite pleased with the way it came out.

- A DAY IN THE LIFE OF RON POPEIL

Hey fans. Hope all is well in your life.

What's going on in the world of Ron Popeil you ask? Well that's a good question.

Today I woke up at 8:30 which is pretty late for me. Usually I'm out of bed by 7:45 at the latest. I do some light stretching, jump on the bowflex for about 30 minutes and then move to the bodyblade. Sometimes I'll do a few minutes with the thighmaster. Susan Sommers actually gave me one as a present so I feel compelled to use it. Just between me and you though, its a piece of shit.



Here is a picture of me for you lil buckaroos that don't watch television early Saturday morning or at 3 AM during the weeknights.

So back to today. I'm not quite sure where I ended up last night but I remember singing an Elton John song at a karoke bar with a few groupies. We met up after a show last night. Nothing sexual usually happens when I hang out with them. Kinda sucks though I mean I'm a healthy man with urges, right? I think these chicks are just in awe of my inventions, not that I blame them.

But I've heard that Jack Lalanne dude gets laid like Colin Quinn, or is it Colin Farrell? I don't watch much t.v. unless it's that new Magic Bullet infomercial. I heard they are doing great business so I have to stay up on the competition. I haven't tried one yet but honestly that thing looks too small to make anything for a real meal. Maybe I'll produce a bigger one and call it "The big ass magic bullet." Hmm have to think of a better name than that.

So when I woke up tonight there was a note on my alarm clock that said "Thanks Showtime!" Oh boy what is this all about? So maybe I did get lucky last night huh? SCORE! I really don't remember much after about the 6th shot of tequila. I think I was yelling about wanting to find a bar with a mechanical bull but everyone just laughed with me. They thought I was kidding but really I wanted to see if I could ride one because I never have before. After that I pretty much blacked out. So whoever left that note was gone before I woke up. I hope she was cute. Well I guess that doesn't really matter..I just moreso hope it was a "she."

Ok I'm going to roast me a lamb.


Ron Popeil - buy my products!