- A TALE OF TWO TUNAS

Last night I was walking home from work and stopped at a wonderful fish shop named Fish Tales on Court street in the neighborhood that borders mine. The fish mongers there are masters of their game. They know everything you could ask about and the store just gives off a great vibe. The shop is clean and has no fishy odor smell in it because they buy fresh every single day and get the highest grade possible.

This also means that the prices are not exactly cheap.

And I wanted Tuna.

Tuna be one pricey mother f'in fish ya know.

I think the price was $18-19 a pound because it's Sushi Grade, meaning as the man told me, "You could take a bite out of it right now." He then had to slap my hand away as I reached for the Tuna to do as instructed. I guess he meant hypothetically I could do that when I got home, if I wanted to.

I ended up not buying the fish because I wasn't going straight home and didn't want to walk around with a pound of 19 dollar tuna in my bag for the next hour. I might go back tonight and pick some up on my way home.

After finishing some other errands and heading home, I stopped in another fish store that was closer to my apartment. This one doesn't have quite the appeal of Fish Tales but seems to do good business.

As I entered the store I realized it was already closed. The fish was gone from the stainless steel trays but still an aroma wafted into my nostrils as I walked in.

There was a man standing there who said abruptly, "We're closed." I realized that but was just wondering if they sold tuna and how much per pound it was. "$9.99" was his response. I thought wow that is a HUGE price difference. For that price I might even feed Mingus some.

Then I realized he was standing there over the steel trays, smoking a cigarette inside. I was a little shocked. I asked if that tuna was sushi grade. He said yes it was.

Then by accident his cigarette slipped out of his mouth, first dropping on his shirt and then falling onto the floor. He just said "Whoops."

I thanked him and walked out.

UPDATE:

Yesterday during lunch I was walking around Chinatown with a friend. I normally hold my nose when passing by the open air fish shops because there is a pungent fishy aroma that really pierces the olfactory senses.

I had to stop though, and ask if they sold yellowfin tuna. Yes they did. Guess how much it was there? GUESS DAMMIT! $3.80 a pound!

WHAT?!?!?!

So basically tuna, which you would think shouldn't vary that much in price goes from:
- $19 a pound and the fancy pants place
- $10 a pound at the cigarette smoke shop
- $3.80 a pound at the stink-o-rama Canal Street fish spot.

I was confused and well... just mostly confused. Oh and hungry too.

I ended up choosing the middle of the three. The guy who apparently uses the shop as his personal ash tray wasn't there and it smelled okie dokie. A nice woman gave me a pound of fresh looking pink tuna which I promptly brought home and seared for a few minutes on each side in a bit of canola oil, after lightly patting it in salt and pepper of course.

I then prepared a reduction of chopped ginger, garlic, rice wine vinegar, and soy sauce until it became a syrupy consistency and drizzled it over the tuna.

Also made a nice mango salsa and pan fried string beans with olive oil and minced garlic...and had a nice dinner with a lady friend.

Looking back now the title should be "A Tale of Three Tuna's" but I'm not going to change it. Sorry

- WHY IT'S FUN TO TALK TO ME ON INSTANT MESSENGER PART IX

Each is a seperate start to a conversation

Monty Burns 101: yo limpy
jojothemoose: nice

Monty Burns 101: yo floppy noodles
jojothemoose: YO

Monty Burns 101: mein lipschtickel
jojothemoose: nice

MontyBurns101: what's up Chief Flugelhorn
jojothemoose: nice
jojothemoose: what are you doing?
Monty Burns 101: Teaching a monkey how to ride on miniature water skis.
jojothemoose: Dude what ru talking about?
Monty Burns 101: Oh sorry,
Monty Burns 101: I thought you asked me what i wished i was doing.

- FACT OR FICTION

Let's play a little game, shall we? If this proves popular I may make it into an ongoing bit.

I will create two scenarios/scenes/situation/thoughts/ideas or whatever. One will be undoubtedly True and the other will be positively False. You guess which is which. I will leave the answer in the comments section eventually. Maybe.

A) Today I was approached by a young woman trying to get people to sign her petition for Gay and Lesbian rights. While I am wholeheartedly a proponent of Gay rights, I wasn't in the mood to be stopped, lectured, and coerced to give out personal information. I said to her in a terrible but apparently successful Italian accent, "Uhhh I no speak that English very GOOD?" She apologized for stopping me and walked away. Towards the end of the street I came upon her partner, a young man, who started the same spiel and I did it again. He stopped me before I even reached the "very GOOD" part and also apologized.

B) I had done some grocery shopping during my lunch hour yesterday and on the way home I passed by a homeless man sitting on a corner. I don't normally give out money because I'm never sure what they do with it. If by chance though I happen to have food on me I am usually willing to share something. In my grocery bag I had just bought some fruit and vegetables, nothing really prepared though. I don't know why but I took out a good sized eggplant I had bought and gave it to the man. He thanked me and put it on the ground next to him like it was a pet. I walked away and realized I probably should have just given him one of the apples I had bought instead.

So A) or B)
Which one is true which is false?

- NEW YORK CITY MAYORAL RACE

I don't think I've ever been as excited about watching a political news clip as I was last night.

Two dudes are in the final running to represent the Democratic party for Mayor of NYC. One Fernando Ferrer, who I think is going to wind up being current Mayor Boombergs sole opponent and Anthony Weiner.

The clip I'm spanking of was shown last night, for the democratic challenger Anthony Weiner. His crowd of supporters were raucously chanting, "WEINER! WEEEEINER! WEEEEINER!"

I loved it. It wasn't laugh out loud funny because it's clearly obvious the word weiner brings to mind hot dogs, wankers, dongs and dingys.

It was the subtly of the humor to me because I know deep down inside everyone who was at that rally chanting, had to consciously suppress the visuals and reality of his last name. You just can't fool yourself to thinking that the name Weiner is a normal last name like Schultz or Brooks or Rodriguez.

In a way I envy a man or woman who can stand there and proudly shout out that word, because I know I certainly could not do it.

To update: I just read that Weiner bowed out of the race, stating that the only time he would throw his hat back in the ring is if his challenger was named Ballsack.

- TYPING OLYMPICS

Again more conversations to share. I'm always interested in people's different reactions to something I say. So on occasion I will send out the same opening line to several friends to get their reactions.

And don't worry I always change the screename except for mine and don't really leave any identifiable information within the text.

montyburns101: I'm issuing a type-off challenge to all those here at
work who think they can beat me in a typing marathon.
buddyfriend: a typing marathon?
montyburns101: si
montyburns101: a type off
montyburns101: typing Olympics
buddyfriend: interesting, in cyberspace or are you making this a
face-to-face type off?
montyburns101: just at work
montyburns101: I like to threaten people here
buddyfriend: what's your fastest speed?
montyburns101: knock things off peoples desks
montyburns101: I dunno like 60-70 wpm maybe.
montyburns101: I’m really just kidding
montyburns101: but I like to give wedgies to the guys in IT
montyburns101: NERDS!!


montyburns101: I'm issuing a type-off challenge to all those here at
work who think they can beat me in a typing marathon.
noodlemaker: as in speed?
montyburns101: speed strength agility
montyburns101: I whoop them all
montyburns101: I type on peoples foreheads
montyburns101: I can type in the bathroom
montyburns101: over the phone
montyburns101: I can read the keys over the phone
montyburns101: fax it in
montyburns101: I type faster in my sleep than the faster typist types in
real time on a keyboard.
montyburns101: in outerspace
montyburns101: I once typed a paragraph while scuba diving
noodlemaker: hahaha
noodlemaker: You should be a secretary and give BJ's to your boss.
montyburns101: Who says I don't?


montyburns101: I'm issuing a type-off challenge to all those here at
work who think they can beat me in a typing marathon.
Ladychatter: humm..
Ladychatter: you better be pretty fast
montyburns101: I be super fast
montyburns101: I’m the White Dolemite
Ladychatter: Ok
montyburns101: I went to a flea market on Saturday in Carroll Gardens.
montyburns101: It was pretty lame
montyburns101: I flipped over a few tables and stole some stuff.
Ladychatter: That’s big of you, out of your price range?
montyburns101: No. I said, “This table is filled with crap! I’m doing you
a favor, no one wants a broken lamp from 1974.”
Ladychatter: Mabye it was vintage?
montyburns101: Who wants a set of three bugs bunny collector cups?
montyburns101: Vintage my underoos!
montyburns101: sorry I should stop or you’re going to think I’m nuts
Ladychatter: you are a bit nuts, right?
montyburns101: well not in a dangerous way
montyburns101: in a fun way
Ladychatter: just in a kooky way?
montyburns101: Si
Ladychatter: ahhhh...

- BLAZING INTERNET FRONTIER MAN

YES THAT'S ME!

I'm like a young Al Gore as you can see from a conversation I had with a friend online. I had just spoken with her a few times and not too many more times after this conversation. I wonder why? Find out below! (her screename has been changed)

ladyfriend: do people still use their AOL accounts?
Monty Burns 101: i dont use aol
ladyfriend: do you have one/had one?
Monty Burns 101: i did like 10 years ago
Monty Burns 101: yeah back in the day when u paid by the hour
Monty Burns 101: it was insane
ladyfriend: but don't you keep that e-mail for life?
Monty Burns 101: no
Monty Burns 101: not if u cancel your account
Monty Burns 101: I just have IM
ladyfriend: like first.last@aol
Monty Burns 101: that’s for life
ladyfriend: the old IM ball and chain, eh?
Monty Burns 101: ha
Monty Burns 101: i think my old email was happydude@aol.com
Monty Burns 101: or something like that
Monty Burns 101: back in da day
ladyfriend: very original
ladyfriend: did you smoke wees a loy back then?
ladyfriend: that's a stoner handle
Monty Burns 101: wees a loy?
Monty Burns 101: oh
Monty Burns 101: no
Monty Burns 101: never smoked pot till after college actually
ladyfriend: get out!
Monty Burns 101: I used to work at this site called hecklers online
Monty Burns 101: when I was like 18-19 years old.
Monty Burns 101: I ran a few messages boards
Monty Burns 101: and hosted a live chat on occasion. All comedy type stuff.
Monty Burns 101: this is funny story actually one I don’t know if I’ve told anyone
Monty Burns 101: just cause I forgot
Monty Burns 101: u listening
Monty Burns 101: hahaha
Monty Burns 101: cant believe I’m telling u this
ladyfriend: yes, go on please!
Monty Burns 101: so I got free aol, free internet access
Monty Burns 101: because I worked for them
Monty Burns 101: and back then this Hecklers Online site was sponsored by aol
Monty Burns 101: which was great
Monty Burns 101: no pay..but I was spending a lot of money using the internet anyway so free internet access what kinda like getting paid
Monty Burns 101: anyway not related to the Hecklers Online thing, but in other chat rooms there were people who would email nudie pictures
Monty Burns 101: like the start of porn
Monty Burns 101: online
ladyfriend: OOOOOOOH!
Monty Burns 101: and obviously I was like yeah I’m in!
Monty Burns 101: u would go into a chat room
Monty Burns 101: and people would send u like pictures from playboy or whatever they had on their computer
Monty Burns 101: and vice versa
Monty Burns 101: someone reported me
Monty Burns 101: and I lost my account with aol
Monty Burns 101: :-(
ladyfriend: classy
Monty Burns 101: u know me
Monty Burns 101: well really you dont
Monty Burns 101: but now you do
Monty Burns 101: :-D
ladyfriend: ha
Monty Burns 101: who would have thought that it would have become like one of the main uses of the internet?
Monty Burns 101: nudie stuff
Monty Burns 101: hee hee
Monty Burns 101: I was an inavetor u could say
Monty Burns 101: spelling on that one was bad
Monty Burns 101: I was an american hero in a way
Monty Burns 101: right?
ladyfriend: no, you were a perv
Monty Burns 101: oh
Monty Burns 101: gotcha
Monty Burns 101: 8-)
ladyfriend: well, thomas jefferson slept with his slave mistresses, that makes him a perv AND an inventor
ladyfriend: so I'll give it to you anywa