- CRAZY WHITE WOMEN:

I had lunch today at 10 Pell street, a Chinese restaurant recommended by a coworker. The food was fair.

While I was eating, these two late 40s Yentas came strolling in and sat at the table directly behind me. They were probably taking a day trip from Long Island to see the sights and buy some stupid ass t-shirts. So this one woman starts to order and she says, "So what is the Taiii-chiieen chicken?" I've had the dish a few times and I know how its prepared. Usually it's made with celery and peppers (red and green) and a spicy sauce. Anyway here is how that convo went. Try to magine the waitress just standing there doing her best to put up with this woman:

waitress: It is chicken with celery.
woman: Is it with white meat?
waitress: Ok I make it for you with white meat.
woman: Good, but is it spicy?
waitress: yes tai-chien chicken is spicy.
woman: No No I don't want spicy.
waitress: Ok no spicy
woman: So you said it comes with vegetables?
waitress: Yes it comes with celery
woman: No vegetables
waitress: Ok no vegetables. what kind of soup do you want? (lunch specials usually come with a soup, wanton or egg drop)
woman: No soup
waitress: So you want tai-chien chicken with no spicy, no vegetables, all white meat, and no soup.
woman: yes

My god I wanted to dump my complimentary pot of green tea on her lap. I mean I can understand if you can't eat spicy things, but I don't know what this woman ended up ordering. She basically ordered chicken sauted in nothing. Another thing I hate about white people is how they can never use chopsticks at Asian restaurants. Sometimes Chinese restaurants actually give you a fork and you have to ask for chopsticks, which is almost as bad.... don't change your culture to appease the white man. We are the ones eating at your establishment and assuming you aren't serving pancakes, waffles, or cheeseburgers, I expect to use chopsticks.

Someday I aspire to be a master Wu-Tang warlord who brings his own chopsticks in a fancy case and when I open them to eat, everyone in the restaurants bows their head in appreciation.

- INTERACTIVE ACTIVITY:

I was in a meeting at work and while taking notes I thought of an idea for a post that I was going to call, "Ideas or Tips for making meetings more interesting"

and I thought that it would be fun fun fun to hear some other peoples thoughts. So if you can think of a good one I will post it here. Anything that would make a meeting more interesting or fun, or even something that would scare the crap out of your fellow co-workers. I can put a little dash like - that and your first name to give u some props. Here I will get us started:

Ideas for making work meetings more interesting:

- Bring in sombreros for everyone and tell them you've been reading a management book that says this type of thing really helps people pay attention and get the creativity flowing. Then you get to sit in a meeting and just laugh to yourself that all these jackasses are wearing sombreros.

- fake hiccups for 10 minutes straight. I mean who is going to get mad at you for hiccuping? Maybe they will let you leave early.

- Bring in a big mesh bag and tell them that you have your pet lizard in there because your apartment is being painted today. Let everyone know that he will be fine unless people are talking too loudly. The entire meeting will most likely be conducted in a low hush..God that would be great especially for that loudmouth jerk Larry in Receiving! oh sorry.

FIRST READER RESPONSE
Josey sent these in:

-Walk in with your hands covered with a red "substance" then trip and fall on the nicest dressed person there. When they freak out say "I'm so sorry, I hope you don't have any open sores."

-Pretend you know sign language and interpret whoever is speaking.

-Wear your winter coat to the meeting and every so often whisper comments inside the coat like "I think they know I'm wearing a wire!" and "How am I doing chief?"

-On Take Your Kid To Work Day, bring your roommate and go on and on about how they grow up so fast.

May I say those were hysterical..I don't know who Josey is but I was laughing out loud.. keep em coming folks

- MY WEATHER CHANNEL

There should be a weather channel either online or on tv which just forecasts beautiful 72 degree weather 24 hours a day, regardless of what the weather really is outside. I would definitely watch that and think it would make me happy watching everyone smile constantly because its always good weather.

Why do the weather people on the news act all goofy when we have like a week straight of bad weather. They do the shoulder shrug with their hands in the air as if to say "whoops I didn't do it! don't blame me!" followed with a little smile back towards the other news people.

And the ones with the real jobs are like "yeah come on Jim what the fuck is up with this weather man?" Like that moron with good hair has anything to do with whats happening with the air outside.

Occasionally at work I will dress up in full Russian costume and stand in the corner of one of the elevators and just do that leg kicking dance with my arms crossed high up in front of my chest. You would be surprised how easily something like that is just completely ignored by people. Its a huge elevator so there's plenty of space.

- NEW FAN MAIL:

This is a nice one I received today from a fan far away. Put a real smile on my face.

"Daniel,

Hello I am Yenkel. I very much like Blog on this you write. I with friends at work reed every day. I am engineer at electrical plant where I live. My wife she too say funny when you write these things. Keep make us laugh! Come visit you will stay here for no cost money. We LOVE you!

-Yenkel from Chechnya"

- THE NETFLIX INSANITY CONTINUES:

If you have been keeping up with my posts you know I cancelled my account with Netflix but they lured me back in with a sweet ass deal. But just like I said in that last netflix post, "I am a moron".

And I was right to say that. I have had the same three movies sitting here now over a week and still haven't opened them. When I send these three dvds back tomorrow, in each sleeve I'm going to put a laminated slice of provolone cheese instead of the dvd.

Thats it I am going to re-cancel my account AGAIN and then go pee on my neighbors door (completely unrelated but I'm just telling you whats on my agenda for the next few hours)

UPDATE:

about an hour ago I did in fact cancel my account again. They sent me the email confirming that my account was cancelled and instructed me to send them back whatever dvds I still had within the next 7 days. So I sent them this back this email just now:

"Dear Netflix,
(first try to imagine reading the following with me speaking in a British accent)

I SHALLL NEVER SURRENDER THESE MOVIES!!

IN accordance with the declaration of the british tea tax of 1745, I hereby declare all netflix films currently on person as mine!

MINE MINE MINE

nah I'm just screwing with you. I'll send em back tomorrow.

good day.

Daniel"

- PHONEY DIPLOMAS:

Phoney Diplomas website I found this site tonight when doing a search for the proper way to spell "phoney" I wasn't sure if it was "phonie" or "pepperoni" well I knew it wasn't that last one. Spell check actually suggested "Phony" so I'm still confused..anyway back to the point of the email. I wanted to know what is this deal with this shit? seriously is this legal? I really can't understand some things in this world.. this site sells you fake college diplomas for $185 bucks. The funny thing is that for some reason they say "No Connecticut schools available" I don't know why but I guess its comforting to know my schools diploma isn't as easy to be duplicated as some other ones, regadless of the reason why.

And what did I do when I saw this site? well obviously I wrote them a letter:


"I don't get this site so please explain it to me. If you are charging close to 200 dollars for a phoney college diploma with an similar looking college seal, you really think you are getting away with just saying this is for entertainment purpose?

Who is going to be entertained by that? If you want to do it for entertainment you could probably make a fake one using microsoft word, but I doubt it would look as real as whatever you are making.

Since you say a school administrator can ask to have their schools removed from this sham of a company, I could hypothetically write all those universities and make them privy to what this company is doing?

You do realize that people will be using your services for fraudulent purposes, whether it is getting a job or trying to get into graduate school for example. I had to copy my college diploma for my current job and I probably could have gotten away with copying your $185 diploma instead of using my real one.

And that is somewhat scary.

good day.

Daniel"

UPDATE: I got a reply:

"Hi there Daniel, By entertainment we mean it can be hung on the wall, used as a
replacementfor a lost or damaged one, practical jokes and things like that. The
seals we use are not close to the real school seal ( the name of the school is in
it but the design is much different) and we do not forge the real signatures of the faculty. We also do not emboss the text or seals. They are good interpretations of diplomas but by no means look authentic enough to pass as a real document in a professional environment. All of this is on the site so that the customer can read about what we do not do before they place an order. Also, we say that they are for novelty only and they are. Many other companies like us advertise them as real and actually forge signatures and use copywritten images to make them look like they came from the school. They'll even send in school letterhead or sealed envelopes. Or they say they are novelty but actually sell 100% authentic looking documents to the "T".
Another thing that truly makes us a novelty company is that many of the other companies offer "accredited" fake diplomas or even offer verification service where they will fax the diploma to an employer saying that they are the school. We will never promote our novelty products fraudulently like that. We are not the ones you need to be mad at. Its some of the others that really do try and sell for fraudulent purposes. See these sites

http://www.backalleypress.com - This one is really selling fraudulent products.
http://www.fakediplomas.com/ - They make fake Id's too
http://www.californiadiploma.com/

That is just a few of the other companies out there. We also turn customers down when they tell us that they want a job or to get into school. The others won't do that. I hope I have cleared some of this up for you and I am sorry that you are upset at us but we are really not here to help people use their documents fraudulently.

Please include a copy of this email in all future correspondence.

Production Manager
Document Printing Services
PO Box 11351
Richmond, VA 23230
www.phonydiploma.com"


WELL First of all he didn't even include his name which I thought was strange.. but regardless we have emailed back and forth a few more times and he asked, "if you contact anyone about this please leave our name out." I guess because he is saying they are really just for fun. SO I did tell him that if I do contact anyone I will leave his name out.

I'm kinda getting bored with this already but I will go check those other sites later today. That is all.

- GOOD WEBSITES:


GI JOE (hysterical GI joe videos.. a must see for everyone)
The Lego Bible (just heard about this from a friend.. its pretty funny but my favourite jesus site is still this one. (watch out cause jesus gunna dunk on yo ASS! check the other sports.. soccer is good so is basketball, baseball, football..i mean jesus they are all funny!

- #1 CHRISTIAN PORN SITE:

OK NOW this is disturbing, BUT not for the reasons you're thinking right now. You are thinking that the title of this post is even something I would be hesitant to make a joke about... but I just saw this site that a friend sent me. You have to first check it out and then come back to read the rest of this:

www.xxxchurch.com

After you've checked it out and realize it isn't a joke (which took me awhile to figure out) I got really pissed and wrote this letter to them. If they respond to me I will post their response. Enjoy:


I don't really know where to start. I have to say right off the bat I am appalled by your site and what you guys are trying to do.

At first I thought wow this is a great gag, until I started reading further into it and watching an interview of you both and realized this isn't a joke.

I will compliment you that it is an approach I have never seen. Two young hip looking guys coming with a different angle for the same old god fearing message. Your message is that porn and masturbation is wrong and sinful.

Basically you are hoping that two twenty something guys with an mtv style can teach "shame" better than the old foggies who preach in church every Sunday.

The reason I am so scared is because I think you are on to something. It is so sad to think that you might be able to get through to these kids and make them be ashamed of sex/masturbation/erotica for the rest of their lives, obviously like the two of you have. Do you also teach them that they are sinning if they are gay? How can you promote this stuff and sleep at night? Well if you really are going 40 nights w/o jerking off, I doubt you're going to be sleeping much at all.

Even if you disagree with me on what I'm saying, you have to think about the fact that shame is a powerful tool for controlling people. Actually it is one of the most effective ways to govern or rule over people. Look at how effective the Catholic Church by using it.

If you try to tell me you aren't teaching shame then what point are you trying to get across? Can you explain to me exactly what is wrong with masturbation? Is it really clearly written in the bible? Who decided that it was a sin? You think that the apostles didn't get off once in awhile?

Well good luck with the whole thing. I hope you started before the movie Dogma too, otherwise you are just ripping off a joke by Kevin Smith, especially with the Jesus action figure. I mean seriously.

Please respond to me as I am interested in what you have to say.

For the meantime I'm going to go whack off in my bathtub while crying hysterically saying, "Oh Lord, king of kings please allow me into the heavens.. I swear I was only reading it for the articles!"

Daniel

- DENTAL HYGIENE:

Last night was one of those times when I got so involved in brushing my teeth that before I knew it, there was a thin stream of toothpaste mixed with water running down my arm all the way to the elbow. Now that's brushing baby!

What do they put in that toothpaste that when you accidentally drop some on the bathroom carpet, it takes a lot of effort to remove the white stain. I mean I guess its good that its white, right?

Tips for Good Brushing:

-First off you want to use a soft toothbrush. What this does is enable you to firmly brush without the risk of damaging your gums or tooth enamel.

-Most people have the actual brushing down pretty well by now, but again remember to do a thorough job and use little circles, not back and forth (think wax on wax off) don't forget the backs of your teeth (I know I do sometimes).

-Flossing is very important. Take a nice sized piece and firmly grip it in both hands (I wrap it a few times around my fingers. Use each individual tooth as and anchor, bending it around the tooth and really get down in there..Don't just quickly go down and back up.

-Make sure you buy the higher end floss. I prefer stuff that is waxed and won't shred cause for some reason my teeth goes through that shit like confetti in a lawn mower. Really, don't skimp. I mean if you want to buy Duane Reade brand q-tips knock yourself out. But not with the floss, man.

I had the best bowl of shrimp wanton soup for lunch yesterday at a Malaysian restaurant and it was only 3 bucks. oh right the brushing thing.

So to recap: don't skimp on good floss. take your time and brush thoroughly. Charleston chews are not good for my teeth, I always get this nervous feeling when trying to suck it off my teeth, like I'm going to rip one out of the socket. My god MY GOD....... I hate that!

Next week I will be trying "whitening strips" so I will let you know how that turns out. Despite my brilliant brushing technique, (and I'm not kidding my dentist has actually complimented me on it several times) I do have some damage from a few years of drinking tobacco and smoking coffee (yes that's what I said).

- PHONE CALL:

I called to order some shirts over the phone tonight. This is really what happened, not just me being stupid and saying "I wish I had said that!!" this is it:

salesman: Good evening, Eddie Bauer, May I take your order?
me: Can I get a large pepperoni pizza please

(complete silence for about 5 seconds)

me: no no wait..sorry I'm not messing around I'm really going to make an order for clothes
salesman: ok great how can I help you?

Now we pretty much spoke normally...but as I was sitting there I was thinking, my god I must sound like I'm totally stoned.. which I wasn't, but then I got the idea...hey thats a good idea maybe I should get stoned. So while on the phone with him I started smoking a bowl.

The last item I ordered was i03 710 0443 or something.. and they usually repeat back the item and if it starts with a letter like that, B5 53, I like to yell BINGO. Which I did with this guy and he actually laughed, but quickly got back to business to finish the order. One of the items I asked what other colors it came in.... and one of the names was "grass" so I made him repeat the colors a few times to get him to say GRASS louder...to which I turned the phone away and giggled.

nice huh?

- NERVOUS:

well that could start almost all of my posts. but this one thing makes me especially nervous.

i work at the Dept of Health in the division that controls outbreaks of things like SARS, West Nile, and a bunch of strange diseases I cannot pronounce let alone spell. we are a city agency who takes security very seriously for obvious reasons.

one thing i hate is security restrictions placed on the internet. i know that certain sites like ebay are restricted which ive come to accept. but i also heard that 'nothing you transmit is private' something like that, so everything can be monitored or screened. im also afraid they might be watching what sites i go to...not that i do anything bad (get your mind out of the gutter) but writing this blog right now for example might get me in trouble.

SO all that being said, the reason I am always nervous is because my boss will just kinda creep up behind me and say "DANIEL, I need to speak with you" in a firm tone.

now when someone says "I need to speak with you" I usually think its a bad thing..so every time I go in there into his office I just start sweating, thinking he is going to say, "Daniel, do you know about how many hours a day you've been spending online since you've been with us?" to which my response is going to be, "Uhhjjjaaahhh, like 1?" (which I know is not the right answer)

But he always just asks me to help him on some task or sumptin like that..

- WHAT I DO AT WORK:

Is mostly clean porn spam from my yahoo email account..I mean jesus you join Hustler.com once and they make you pay for it the rest of your life via email spam... uh I mean I didn't join that site..I think someone just gave them my email...yes yes thats it!

examples of spam I get:

- Meet Jordan and her friends tonight! (I don't know a Jordan..and that is a sexually ambiguous name right? so I just didn't click it)

- Boing... the sound produced by a little pill. (I have absolutely no idea what this is..I assume it was for Viagra but again I didn't click it)

- dimploma (I am not kidding.. it was spelled "dimploma" but again I assume they meant diploma. What a great way to advertise your online school, by starting off by spelling that specific word wrong...sorry I will keep my BA from an accredited University)

- What you're looking for is in here (now we all know what I should have expected clicking on that one....how disappointing to find it was for some dumb software to find old college friends, lost family or whatever..BOOOOO!)

-Get 5 porn dvds & shipping for 1 dollar! DEW (come on.. I had to click that one.. even though I don't know why it says DEW at the end? maybe that is some kind of code for the email..whatever, all I know is I have some oscar worthy films being shipped to me as we speak)

- IDEA FOR BED:

I know I am not the only one who gets sleepy on trains, in cars, or other type of moving transportation. The constant rhythmic movement of a large vehicle for some reason creates sleepiness...of course this doesn't occur with everyone but it sure as sugar happens with me.

I have sat on the subway many a day wishing that I owned my own brand new clean subway car with no seats or anything in it...just a big comfortable bed smack in the middle. My god I would fall asleep so quickly and sleep like a baby, instead of resting my head on a middle aged Pakistani guy who smiles politely when I wake up and wipe the drool off both my chin and his now ruined jacket.

Since I can't own a subway car and ride it around all night, I want to make a bed or more appropriate a bed frame which mimics the movement of a subway/train/car. I'm sure it would be expensive but if there was some sort of contraption on the bed frame that made it move slightly, I think it would work. Also we could sell an audio tape or cd which has the same sounds you would hear in a car or on a train. I say "we" because you are going to help me finance this project. I don't give these ideas out for free.

- GOOD BOY:

As I was walking to work this morning I noticed a crisp $1 bill folded, lying on the ground. I almost didn't pick it up but I realized there was no one in the vicinity. So I picked it up and stood there for a moment looking around to see if anyone was watching me or maybe playing a trick. I guess I'm pretty neurotic, always thinking people are watching me when in reality no one really gives a crap what other people around them are up to.

It reminded me of something that happend about a year ago in my building. I had just walked out the front door of my apartment building and was almost to the sidewalk when i saw a $20 bill just sitting there on the ground. I must have passed ssomeone on my way out and heard the door to the building shutting and assumed whoever that was had just dropped this money.

I seriously don't know how I did what happened next. I instinctively ran back into my building and made a left rather than a right, which is the side I live on, and ran up either 2 or 3 flights of stairs. Once I got to the floor I just ran straight down the hall and knocked on the door of an apartment. A woman answered who had just gotten back into her apartment as I could tell because when she opened the door there were shopping bags there still on the floor. She was totally shocked (probably cause there was a huge out of breath white guy standing in her face) and I said, "did you just drop some money"

She reached into the back pocket of her pants and suddenly had this shocked look and said "yes I think I did..these pants.. they are so tight" which they were.. a lot of dominican women in my barrio wear extremely tight pants.

I knew she wasn't bullshedding me so I said, "here is $20 that must be yours".

The only explanation I can come up with for locating her was that I used hearing to do what I did, but honestly I don't remember hearing anything besides maybe the door shutting after she had passed me. I don't remember seeing her pass me but she obviously did, I just wasn't paying attention. I had never met her and was never on that floor before. I really think it was instict like I knew exactly where to run. weird huh?

- NETFLIX:

Those bastards at netflix just SCRRRRREWED me again!

well not really screwed but listen. I used netflix to rent dvd's a few years ago but they were so slow with the shipping because they were coming from California. I had to cancel it because it was just annoying. But then a friend started recently and said there are distribution centers on the east coast now (there is one near me just over in queens) so you get the dvd very quickly..usually 1-2 days.

BUT I haven't been watching enough lately..I have the same ones sitting around for days...so I go to cancel knowing you can always rejoin for the same price. Right at the last page of the cancellation form it said, "are you sure you want to cancel" and i was like yeah dick..just fucking cancel me.

but then the screen said, "we will give you 6 months for 15 bucks a month..as opposed to 21 bucks a month...and i sat there and didn't know what to do. I knew I would probably want to join up again sometime anyway so I just said YES YES I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE. and now i am locked in for another 6 months..jesus what a moron i am

- $5 COFFEE

I just got back from Starbucks. It was a tough decision whether or not to go in since I haven't bought a cup of coffee from them in probably 3 years. Reasoning being both their business practices and the fact they are everywhere and invade every neighborhood possible in this city (and others I'm sure)

My bank gave me a free $5 card for starbucks yesterday so I had to decide whether I was going to use it or give it to a friend. I decided to go in and spend it.. I bought some iced caramel mochiitao thing which cost about $4.25. I can't believe people spend that much on a cup of coffee sweetened with some syrup. Does that make me sound like an old lunatic saying that? I mean no alcohol and still almost 5 bucks! anyway I'm drinking it right now and I'm really not too thrilled with it.

I ended up giving the remaining 75 cents on the card to a customer who was sitting there drinking his coffee. I have to say I'm happy to see that they now offer Fair Trade coffee even though it costs a little more and there was only one flavor to choose from, still that is a good start for them.

- PLAYTIME IN MY CUBICLE:

Trying to make new friends at work is proving more difficult than I had originally anticipated. One thing I tried last week proved not to be an effective ice breaker.

I had worked for days building a miniature layout of the floor I work on, complete with tiny cubicles and scaled down versions of my fellow coworkers. I used clay, plastic, construction paper, and magic markers. It basically looked like a big Barbie house but with not as much pink.

Around lunchtime is when most people file in and out of the exit which is by my cubicle, so that's when I started. I huddled over my desk, spoke in a hushed tone, and began playing with my miniature coworkers. I was saying names that were similar but not exactly the same as the people I work with. So Gary the Administrator I was calling "Larry the Defibulator" and I started raising my voice a little saying things like "HEY YOU, get your time cards in or there will be HELL TO PAY!" and then I had him run and topple over a few employees standing around the mini water cooler I built (I just flipped an empty airline liquor bottle upside down for that one).

I was hoping at the end of my display that people would come up to me saying, "Wow Daniel that was some great stuff there, you're so funny and creative, lets be pals!"
Instead people just kinda shyed away and slowly walked backwards until they were out of view..then I heard them running.

No one said anything to me except for Herb in accounting, who said, "You didn't need to make me look so fat." On his doll I had put a tootsie roll underneath his already tight sweatshirt, Ohhh but it was so cute.

- CATS AND BOOZE:

I went to buy some Iams cat food for mingus tonight at the grocery store and it still wasn't in stock even after they said it was supposed to be in earlier this week. Since there was no cat food for some reason that gave me permission to walk back home with a 6 pack of beer, a pint of ben and jerrys, and a pack of smokes. and this is after i had bought kashi cereal and soy milk earlier in the day because i am TRYYYING to eat healthier but man when they dont have my cat food in it just pisses me off.

on a sidenote i think i have given up on woman and i am just going to bite the bullet and buy one.

www.russianladies.com looks like a good starting point, no?

- GUINESS, THE BOOK NOT THE BEER:

I'm going to try to smoke a mouthful of cigarettes like that guy in the old Guiness Book of World Records used to do. Remember reading those? I think I had the 1984 or 1986 version and just basically read it year after year without updating to a newer copy. There was the guy with the really long finger nails that had the curl which made you think "my god do nails really grow all curvy like that when they get that long, and if so WHY WHY?!?!"

Then there was the bearded woman who was just an ugly woman to begin with so might as well grow a beard if you have the opportunity. There was the worlds tallest man who just didn't look comfortable in any of those pictures and the worlds smallest/shortest people who if you've never noticed always seem to be very happy.

Then that fat guy who got buried in the coffin which was "the size of a grand piano." i could never forget that description. And the two fat twins with the funny outfits on the motorcycles. I was pleased to see the Simpsons referenced that in an episode one time...which pleased me to know I wasn't the only one who read those books religiously.

- AQUA AIR FILTERS:

my neighbor bought a filter tip for his cigarettes and suggested i get one too. at most drug stores they sell a reuseable filter tip which collects tar in it, rather than going into your lungs. he said that after a pack you could see a large amount of actual black residue that you just wash out with warm water and soap. gross right? but if you are going to smoke i guess its better to use this thing rather than not?

so i bought a pack of 'disposable aqua filters' which are long, white, and plastic. They have moisture inside the filter which is supposed to catch tar and other no goodies before the smoke hits yer lungs. I have been using them, but mostly when im home because it makes you look like you should be an old victorian woman with black gloves and a long shiny dress, elegantly smoking a cigarette.

or, as is more appropriate for me, one can pretend you're a baron with a monocle as i did last night. at my computer i sat biting down on the tip with my mouth open emitting that loud comical hearty laugh which would accompany a character like that. i guess you had to be there, which no one was except my cat.

- ELECTRONIC PEE PEE MACHINE:

Everything in bathrooms should be automated so you don't have to touch anything. I know they make sinks and pee pee machines (urinals) that have the auto features but they need to just freaking perfect everything already i mean how hard could it really be?

i hate when you have to wave your hand 10 times to make the water turn on..but still i will take that over having to get paper towels to turn the knobs on the sink because i am such a lunatic who cant touch ANYTHING in a public bathroom without using paper as a barrier.

but seriously think of it. the door to the bathroom - automated. the door to the stall - automated. the sink, soap, paper towel - all automated.

in the future doody will fuel most household appliances.

- COLLEGE MEMORIES:

I was talking with a friend last night about college and how different it was than the regular working world. We were both saying how it would be great to just wake up tomorrow and say 'nah I don't feel like going to work today, the same way you could do with class in college." I certainly took advantage of those times.

I mentioned how different time is now, working, as compared to college. I remember how significant actual time was in college. Your exams and deadlines revolved around planning within specific time frames or deadlines. I just remember during finals how every moment was important even if that meant the moments you calculated that you were doing nothing. So if an exam was at 10am the next morning I would try to figure out how many hours I could study if I started at 7pm, which probably meant more like 8:30pm. and that I would study straight through to 1am or so..and plan to wake up early enough to get another say 45 minutes in.

I said, "You could actually feel time." which I think really puts into words the feelings that were associated with moments like that. Just how consciously aware I was of every minute. Now the days really blend into one another and I've noticed myself saying 'I have no concept of time' a lot lately. When you don't have summer vacations to help seperate year, I sometimes lose track of what month it is or even the actual season sometimes.

I guess thats why some people have children, to help them get their mental calendars back in order when they start going to school.